To Build A Home
by kalicoeye
Summary: Alice leaves Jasper behind with the Cullens so that he can become a part of the family he so desperately needs.


Jasper was on the hunt, he could barely smell the deer anymore and he didn't really want it. It was only that he needed something to alleviate the hunger pains burning through his body that motivated him now. He could smell human blood. Somewhere far off, there were people in the woods and he knew it wasn't safe for him to pursue the deer any farther lest he be too tempted to hold himself back.

Emmet had gone with him to hunt but had split off after his own kill; Jasper suddenly wished his brother was nearby for support. Before he had come to live with the Cullen's or even with his sweet Alice, Jasper had only ever had himself to rely on. He was slowly beginning to trust his new family, not only trust them but also starting to depend on them to help him with his own weaknesses.

Smelling the sweet blood in the distance he wanted it so desperately that his jaw clenched and he ran trembling fingers through his hair. If only he could have a taste, his mind pulsed with desire for it.

It took just about everything he had but Jasper was able to turn and walk back toward the house, ignoring his hunger. He wanted to get away from the humans and back to his Alice who knew how to sooth his troubled mind but she had gone on a trip to Italy with Rosalie. It was the first time they had been apart for more than a day since they had met and Jasper felt lost without her.

Carlisle and Esme seemed to be the only ones home and even after living with them for over a year he hadn't bonded with them like he had with his siblings. They both had gone over and above trying to make him feel a valued part of the family but it was hard for Jasper to let go of all of the fear and pain he had experienced when he was part of Maria's coven. He wanted to be like the others were, that feeling of contentment and belonging that radiated from them whenever the family was together. Jasper could only manage to suppress his own feelings of timidity and panic when Carlisle or his wife emoted anything outside of their normal calm demeanor, fearing a painful punishment if he made a mistake. Constantly being on edge was exhausting.

He had intended to climb the stairs to the room he shared with Alice but after a few steps he felt faint and had to sit down. He was desperate to feed, he needed to feed but lately it seemed that every time he went to hunt he had to come back for fear of attacking a near by human and disappointing his Alice. Not to mention Dr. Cullen, he was afraid to think what his new coven leader might do to him if he disobeyed this particular vampires golden rule.

"Jasper…are you alright son?" Carlisle had come out of his study to see Jasper huddled weakly on the stairs seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

Startled, Jasper let out a low growl before looking down ashamedly. "I'm sorry sir." He quickly and quietly apologized.

Carlisle climbed the stairs to sit next to the distraught boy, making sure to keep a slight distance between them so that his skittish son wouldn't feel overly crowded. "Jasper, are you hurt? You don't look well son." Carlisle asked trying to duck his head and look into his middle child's eyes.

"I'm fine Dr. Cullen, thank you." Jasper replied softly. He wanted to be alone; he didn't feel safe with the older vampire so close. He wished that Alice were there to give him a purpose, when she was there he had someone to love and protect, now that she was gone he was reduced to feeling like a vulnerable child in this new coven and he didn't like it.

Carlisle sighed "I really wish you would talk to me Jasper, like the others do. I want to help if I can. I want to make it easier for you son." He laid a gentle hand on Jasper's shoulder and frowned as the boy started to tremble.

"I'm sorry sir…I" Jasper started and swallowed audibly. "I'm just hungry." He whispered.

He felt a wave of pity coming off of his leader and he cringed. Jasper hated pity; he would rather be beaten than pitied.

"I thought you were going hunting with Emmet, didn't you find anything?" Carlisle asked as he rubbed his hand down his son's tense back hoping to sooth him.

"I…I'm sorry sir…" Jasper repeated. He wasn't sure if he could tell Carlisle about the real problem, that he felt as though couldn't contain himself if he smelled a human while he was hunting. What would Carlisle say? Would he be punished as Maria would have punished him if he threatened to disobey her rules?

Carlisle could see that Jasper was struggling to open up to him. From the moment Alice and Jasper had first stepped into their home he knew that the boy was going to be a challenge. Alice was an open book while her partner was chained and padlocked. Being a doctor and devoting his life to healing it had become harder and harder for Carlisle to hold back from pushing Jasper into a total confession especially when he had gotten his first glimpse of the many scars that covered the boy's body and the heartbreaking sadness in his eyes. All Carlisle wanted to do was comfort him and tell the tortured young man that he was safe now, that he would be loved, and he _was_ loved. As time passed and Jasper tentatively came out of his shell he became more and more beloved by everyone in the family. Yet, there was still so much he was holding back.

"Please tell me Jaz." Carlisle used Alice's nickname for him hoping that it would relax him. Jasper never let anyone get very close and Carlisle was delighted to be sitting next to him, touching him and not feel him cringe away. But that worried him also, it seemed like he was too exhausted to turn away. "How long has it been since you've fed son?" Carlisle tilted Jasper's chin up and finally looked into his tortured eyes.

"I am not very good at hunting animals I guess." Jasper lied; he nearly slurred his words trying to keep his head up. He had starved before, many times. Maria would chain him up and starve him but afterwards she would let him feed to his hearts content…on _human_ blood. Starving when he had only animal blood to fill him was different; he was never satisfied even when he fed until he was full. It had been five days since he had made a kill and even then it was only rabbits.

Carlisle knew the lie when he heard it; Jasper was a skilled hunter as all of his kind were. He suddenly realized how serious things were, Jasper needed to feed, and soon. Smoothing a blond lock of hair behind his son's ear, Carlisle took advantage of the opportunity to touch his newest child no matter how selfish it was before telling him that he would be back soon.

It was less than twenty minutes later that Carlisle returned with a buck and helped Jasper outside to feed on it. Jasper was reluctant at first, he was starving but the blood didn't smell good to him and there was no Alice to encourage him. There was only Carlisle who he was beginning to see in a different light.

He was still weak after he finished drinking the buck though he didn't expect to be. He stood up quickly; ready to offer his thanks to Carlisle and a wave of dizziness hit him. Seeing the boy crumple, Carlisle was swiftly at his side and helping him to his room. Once he was set on the bed that he shared with Alice, Jasper rolled onto his side curling away from the older vampire feeling embarrassed and shy even though he knew he should be expressing his gratitude for the gesture of kindness he had received. If he had been capable of crying Jasper feared that he would be now, surrounded by all of Alice's things, in this confusing place, without her. He wished that Dr. Cullen would leave, he was hovering for some reason and it made him nervous.

"Could we talk Jasper?" Carlisle asked gently before sitting on the bed next to Jasper's tightly curved back. Jasper could only nod, worried that his voice might betray how near a breakdown he was.

"Esme and I care very much about you Jasper. I know it must be terribly hard for you having lived such an obviously violent existence…"Carlisle's hand reached out to trace a scar on Jaspers back where his shirt had been pulled up. " and drinking human blood to adapt to our way of life. We've all seen how hard you try. I am so proud of you."

Jaspers head jerked up when he felt the gentle touch on his back. Heat pooled in his stomach, he hated those scars, the physical pain had long passed but he still felt the fire every time he touched the scars, reminding him of the monster he was. The agony of the touch almost made him miss what Carlisle had said. The leader was being kind to him, the words were meant to sooth but Jasper was angry. He didn't want his scars touched by this man he considered a threat, it was his body and his pain and no one had the right to touch him like that without permission Jasper seethed, yanking his shirt down to cover his exposed back.

Carlisle took the hint. "I'm sorry Jasper I shouldn't have done that."

Jasper curled further away from him in response.

"I'll just let you alone for a little while…please come down when Edward gets home and we'll all spend some time together." Carlisle sighed and had almost closed the door when Jaspers quiet "Yes sir." came to him. He hadn't expected a reply at all.

Down in the kitchen Carlisle found Esme reading a book and came up behind her kissing her exposed neck. Esme reached back to caress her husband's head and dropped her book. "What's wrong Carlisle?" She asked when she felt him sigh against her skin.

"Jasper isn't doing well without Alice, I knew it would be this way but it was meant to draw us closer together…he's only drifting farther away." Carlisle lamented. "The worst part is that I know he fears me, no matter what I say or how gentle I am with him…I can see the fear in his eyes and it makes me angry for the things that were done to him to make him react like that."

Esme lovingly caressed his face. "We'll just have to carry-on proving to him that he's safe here and one day he'll stop being afraid and learn to love us like we love him."

"I didn't expect it to take so long, it's already been over a year and Jasper is still a mystery to me." Carlisle said as he sat down next to his wife.

"Not such a mystery. We know how loving and considerate he is to his mate. We know that he is respectful and obedient. We know so much without him even speaking to us. We know he's had a painful past and it's to your credit my love that it hurts you so much not to know him better. He must sense how much we care about him." Esme replied seriously.

"He had nothing to eat for days Esme, I need to pay more attention to him. He seems depressed and I think its more than just missing Alice." Carlisle rubbed his forehead.

Esme shared his worry and guilt for not noticing that their new child had gone without for so long. "Maybe I should try to speak with him." She said.

"We should give him some space, but I'm certain your sweet nature would do him a lot of good. He's hurting too much now, I stepped to far with him."

Emmet came through the front door satiated from the buck he had brought down. "Has Jasper come back yet?" He asked smiling.

"Yes, he's in his room. Emmet…I know you've been hunting with Jasper for the last week, have you seen him make a kill lately?" Esme asked.

"Not that I can remember, I mean we do go out together but we split off when we find something. Why?" Emmet asked, his smile falling to a frown.

"He hadn't fed for a while and I just wondered how long it may have been." Carlisle told him.

"He went after a deer, I saw him, is he alright?" Emmet's voice was full of concern.

"Don't worry Emmet. He'll be fine." Carlisle tried to sooth his big-hearted son.

Emmet _was_ worried though, Jasper was a good brother, and he never argued with him or intruded on his privacy like Edward often did. Jasper was quiet but had a fine sense of humor and was endlessly patient with his over enthusiasm. He never had to worry about Jasper reading his mind or teasing him, he had simply accepted his flaws and tried to help on the days Emmet needed a friend.

Opening the door to Jasper's room, Emmet stuck his head in. "Hey bro, you alright?" he asked frowning as he looked into the room and saw jasper lying still on his side with his back facing him.

"Yeah." Jasper replied softly.

Emmet sat down on the bed. "Bet your Alice is talking my Rosalie into buying half of Italy right now." He joked.

The corners of Jaspers mouth moved up. He was beginning to feel like himself again, the blood was finally taking affect and he felt stronger. Emmet knew what he needed and how to make him feel better because he never pushed too far.

Jasper rolled over and Emmet smiled at him. Suddenly Jasper wanted to tell him exactly what was wrong, he wanted to try and not be afraid to tell someone. "Emmet, if I tell you something…will you promise not to tell Dr. Cullen?"

"You mean _Dad_?" Emmet jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow good-naturedly. "You should call him that sometime…I bet he'd buy you a car. He loves that stuff."

Jasper shifted uncomfortably and Emmet backpedaled "Of course I won't tell him Jazz, just between you and me, I promise."

"I don't know how much longer I can stand it Emmet, I can't hunt here. There are too many humans around and I can't bear it. The smell is so intense…it's only a matter of time before I can't control myself any longer." He took a deep, desperate breath. "Please don't tell Esme either, I don't know what she might do if she finds out."

Emmet felt his chest tighten. "Jasper, first of all man, mom and dad understand temptation, they would forgive anything of you, and you need to know that you are a member of our family. Hell, I've killed a human, that's why we had to move here. Do you think they hold it against me? No. It's part of our nature. Second, I'm sorry I kept taking you hunting around here, I should have known better and you should have said something. We can go somewhere else."

A wave of relief flooded Jasper. "What did they do to you?" He asked timidly.

"What do you mean 'what did they do to me?' for the human? Nothing, it was a mistake, everyone forgave me and we moved on. Jasper, non of us can believe you've held on this long without a relapse."

"Nothing? You mean, you didn't even get punished or anything?" Jasper asked astonished.

"Of course not, Jasper what on earth are you talking about?" Emmet chuckled.

"Nothing." Jasper was embarrassed.

It was quiet for a little while before Emmet broke the silence. "What happened in your old coven if you broke the rules?" The moment he asked it Emmet regretted it. Jasper's lips formed a thin line and Emmet could tell that he had shut off.

"Hey I think Edward is home, want to go down stairs?" Emmet tried to change the subject.

"Okay. Thanks Emmet, you _will_ keep your promise won't you?" Jasper asked nervously.

"You need to stop worrying so much bro." Emmet replied throwing an arm around Jasper's tense shoulders as they walked through the door.

**TBC**

_A/N: If you want more please leave a review!_


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